Anger Is Fruit From A Branch...Not The Root!

Anger is something that we all deal with, most likely on a regular basis at some points in life. Much like all of the other emotions though, anger is often simply a piece of fruit from a branch, and not the root of the tree. For instance, some people that have experienced traumatic incidents would say, "I'm just an angry person!" While they may feel angry on a daily basis, the reality is that anger is signaling that something is wrong, and that a standard, personal or assigned, has been violated. When someone violates your boundary, anger presents itself much like a shield does as an adversary approaches. Anger lets the other person know, "You've crossed a line!" Here's the tricky thing though, sometimes the lines that people cross are quite frankly, 'stupid' lines that we made up ourselves.

We have to remember that ALL OF OUR EMOTIONS ORIGINATE WITHIN US! That means that nobody...NOBODY...NOOOOOOBODY, can MAKE you feel a certain way. It's the perception and processing in your own mind as to what happened that determines the emotion that you do, or do not choose. Now, there are plenty of emotions that just appear on their own when something comes about. As a matter of fact, you don't even have to think about it. If I walked up and handed you a stack of $100 bills and said, "God Bless You!" Shock, happiness, awe, and excitement would most likely happen involuntarily. Again, it's because it only takes a nanosecond for your mind to process what your eyes see, and your hands feel. On the other hand, if I walked up smiling and shouted, "I Hate YOU!," you would probably have a lot of mixed emotions.

Your brain would be cycling through all of the new input to determine if I am a threat to you, or not. Then once the threat level has been confirmed, you would probably move on to the, "why!" You'd want to know what the motivation was for a seemingly undeserved act. Anger, for some people, would be the immediate response, because they would automatically process in their minds that they had done nothing deserving of such treatment, thereby initiating a defensive posture. Getting back to anger though, it's always dependent on perception of information taken in by our senses that indicates a boundary has been bypassed. But again, most people don't take the time to look within to figure out why. If you can understand the, 'why,' you can figure out the, 'how!' How do I control my anger? How do I lookout for triggers? How do I balance my emotions when I am justified in feeling a certain way? There's so much to dig in to, but I'm just giving you a few tips to start!

Let me say this..."You are not alone, and you are not BROKEN!" We all have battles, and for some people, it is easier to lash out, or isolate than it is to work through the situation. For some people...educators, students and parents...they feel helpless when they're angry, as if they have no chance of recovering. That is not true! Educators, students, and parents can all practice different methods and routines that will help them curb their aggressive response. I don't want you to get rid of anger, you can't anyway, but rather, I want you to know that you really do have more control than you think you do.

As a former police officer, I know first hand what I'm talking about here. I could tell you stories about the times that by normal social standard I probably would have been justified in physically assaulting someone because of their unwarranted action. Like one of the several times I was called the, "N Word," on duty while speaking with what I considered an everyday Caucasian citizen. What about the time a guy robbed a group of college students and then attempted to pull his gun on me and my partner? Oh wait, or the time a lady high on heroin snatched my ink pen off my uniform, and tried to stab me in the face with it, and while scuffling on the rocky ground proceeded to urinate on me. Yep, you heard me right!

Most of you are squirming in your seat just reading this, or depending on where you're from, probably internally are shouting, "Ahhh HECK NO!!!!" Ha-ha! Emotional Intelligence, or EQ, was everything in those moments for me. It's what allowed me to remain in control while others were out of control. I wasn't always like that though, I have a gray/dark side too. I made a decision though, that I was not going to duplicate what I had seen growing up in a turbulent household. That I wasn't going to live up to the statistical standards set for me by television, classmates, and later, coworkers. I told myself that I was worth figuring out, so that I could be the best I could be for those around me, and myself.

You have to DECIDE for YOURSELF...RIGHT NOW! Who will you be?!?!?!?!

So, if you consider yourself an angry person, or short tempered, I want you to ask yourself a few questions:

- What am I angry because of? (Is it my action, someone else's, a situation, etc) - - Is my anger justified? (Do I have a valid reason to feel this way?)